Thursday, 20 October 2011

So the specialist appointment is looming

well not really...its in a month but with the way the weeks are disappearing at the moment, I'm sure it will be here before I know it.

I still really have no idea what to ask, what to expect or what the outcome may be.

To be honest I don't even know what I want to do.....(its not like I've had months to decide or anything....right?)

I now understand why when I was a teen, people older than me would say "enjoy being young, don't rush to grow up"....All of this "being an adult" stuff is scary, and a lot to take in.

I know I need to make some decisions because it appears no one else can make them for me!

I went to the mall this evening and it was unnerving to see all the Christmas decorations in stores already. Surely its not that time of year yet!?! I have my head stuck in the sand about the impending festive season (with 7 nieces and nephews to sort presents for!) because at the moment one hurdle at a time seems like a lot to cope with so if I can get through this appointment I can start actually making some real plans for Christmas.

 I've been trying to get out a bit lately, going to all the birthdays, girls dinners and of course the Rugby World Cup has provided a great distraction (go the All Blacks!) so that's been a great outlet. I really am lucky to have a few amazing friends around me. They are my saving grace (I'm talking about you Sarah!)

Today's photo is taken at Lake Taupo...because I feel like I could going there for another holiday right about now!

Until next time....splendor, confidence and hope.

Rach x

Thursday, 6 October 2011

How do you make these decisions....

big decisions...HUGE decisions....

Are we emotionally ready to have children?
Are we financially ready to have children?
Will our families be happy for us when I get pregnant?
Is our relationship strong enough to survive the trials and tribulations of parenthood?

Being a single parent has to be one of my biggest fears. I was brought up by my father after my mum had a stroke and brain aneurysm when I was 7 years old, she was 34. I know how quickly that perfect family unit can be dashed. We were a two parent family - Dad working full time as an underground miner and Mum sewing from home as her hobby and a bit of extra pocket money with four kids aged 11, 9, 7, & 5 all happily clothed fed and loved. In what seems like only a moment, we were in a highly stressful struggle to survive situation, Dad on the single parents benefit trying to make ends meet, a seriously ill mother and four kids all in a washing machine of emotions. I had my first job at 12 delivering papers, the funds used not for clothes, movies and makeup but for school camps and music lessons that Dad couldn't afford to pay for. We weren't encouraged to take part in sport or extra curricular activities because these were expensive.

I don't want that for my kids. I don't want them to worry about turning out every light in the house religiously because that makes a few dollars difference to the power bill, I don't want them to know that the income is only just enough to cover the outgoings. I want them to enjoy being kids, young and carefree! I grew up quick, way too fast. My Dad did what he could in a crap situation but its still not what I want to repeat through to another generation.

I guess because I am SO intent on giving my kids a better life it clashes with the prospect of having to hurry things along and not have all my ducks in a row before launching into parenthood.

Is it INSANE to go into parenthood know that you cant truly answer those questions with a great big enthusiastic "YES!!"?

More stuff to think about!

Today's photo is a pretty big one for me. Its me and my partner and this is the first pic of us going out into cyberspace for all to see (he knows I'm putting it up here). So this is us..... Rach and Bud.

Until next time....admiration, sunniness and inspiration.

Rach x

P.S Just wanted to say a HUGE thank you to all my new followers and those who have given me LOTS of positive encouragement and support on here and the TMMB. You are all amazing and its knowing that someone out there is listening to my story that makes this really worthwhile and hopefully someday someone out there will read my story and be put at ease knowing they are not alone.

A big shout out to who have put me on their blog roll which is a huge database of other peoples blogs where you are bound to find someone else battling the same fertility issues as yourself!